Aurora's Shadow

Oil on 30 by 40 cm canvas.

“Aurora’s Shadow” is a piece on my real-life experiences of struggles with ethnic identity. This depicts my 6th birthday, where I dressed up as my favorite Disney princess Aurora. My old friend joked that I could not dress up as my favorite Disney princess, Aurora, because I did not have blond hair, or at the very least, fair skin. It depicts a time where I felt ostracized by my peers for being more quiet and being physically darker than the rest of my peers.

This event still sticks with me because I realize the wounds that haven’t healed - being ashamed of my ethnic identity. I remember the number of times I wished I was someone else. The number of ways I tried to lighten my skin and tried to change the shape of my eyes. I remember when my very own relatives favored women with lighter skin. I remember how many times I was rejected from people I liked because they had a racial preference. I resented these girls for getting whatever they wanted simply by existing.

When I was younger, I saw my situation as hopeless. I desperately tried to overcompensate my “lack of beauty” with humor, but I never won anyone over. As I grew older and found representation in different forms, my identity intertwined with the media I consume reached normalcy. There was no “right” Aurora, there were no limits, and other people did not have to dictate my life.